Really, how hard can it be to make brownies? If you canvassed the various popular cookbooks and compared the most basic sets of ingredients, you'd find that one trip to the grocery store should cover everything you need to make a decent batch of brownies. Aiming higher, for more of a delicacy, could require more money spent, but you'd still not run more than a full page in a cookbook.
Yet here is the U.S. Department of Defense, preparing food that will outlast outrageous pressures like a nuclear attack or a plague of locusts of cockroaches (both of which would probably survive the aforementioned nuclear attack), and they get past the normal Meals Ready-to-Eat requirements of meat, potatoes, and "a little vegetables" and find their way to the dessert table, where brownies will be on the menu, thank you very much – brownies for which the instructions cover 26 pages.
Apparently, the brownies are meant to be made to last. So, if packaged properly, they can be a beacon of light during the winter of a nuclear discontent. If left with nothing much else to eat, most people would probably find those brownies to be tasty morsels after all.
The other thing to take note of here is that, because the recipe runs to 26 pages, it contains all manner of specific instructions, all of which must be followed to the letter; otherwise, the brownies won't taste as they should. If we don't follow orders, we can't guarantee the outcome.
And, this being the U.S. Military, the brownies must be a standard set of dimensions: 3.5 inches by 2.5 inches by five-eighths of an inch. Hmmm, that's not a square, so these can't properly be called chocolate squares. And no word on whether those dimensions include any kind of extra frosting. But wait, they're basic brownies. OK, back on track.
So we have the dimensions and we have the dissertation-length recipe. One thing we also have is confidence that the recipe can always be made, even in the event of a sustained period underground. Why? How can we possibly guarantee that? Surely we can't trust our memories? How can anyone possibly memorize all 26 pages of instructions to make brownies? Surely it's better to concentrate on trying to digest the 100+ pages that are surely to be in the recipe for beef stew.
Well, not to worry. We won't need to use our memories for recalling the proper dimensions of the brownies or the proper number of times to beat the eggs or anything like that? Why not? Well, if there's one thing that the U.S. Military is really good, it's redundancy. We can be sure that if the brownie recipe is deemed important enough to be on the Must-Have list, then we won't have access to just one copy. Further, we can virtually guarantee that each and every copy will be exactly the same.
P.S.: The Government thanks us in advance: We're paying, right now, the printing costs for the bunker-binder copies of the brownie recipe and other staples of the Post-attack Cookbook.
P.P.S.: For instructions on how to ensure that you're around to eat these brownies, click here.
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