Buy the Amityville house? Get out of town!

A little fear is a good thing, I think. I'm a little bit afraid of how my wife might react if I came home from work one night and announced that I was buying the Amityville Horror house. It's for sale – again.

Yes, the house made famous by the book and movie can be had for the not-too-shabby price of $1.15 million. I'm afraid that's a lot of money to pay for what would surely be a short stay. I certainly wouldn't stay around once I'd seen the giant pig.

See, I've read the book. I know the "based on a true story" was a myth, according to the author. I know the movie was a dramatization of the book, which was fiction. But I also know that I'm afraid that the house looks alive. I mean, look at the photo. Don't those windows look like demonic eyes to you? That's what I see.

The poor Lutz family. They sure did suffer through some nightmarish events. I'm afraid I wouldn't blame them for eventually moving out, given the sordid history of the house. Seems six members of a family were shot and killed in the house not long before the Lutz family moved in. You'd think they would have known. Isn't that what disclosure documents are for?

Anyway, the house is for sale. It isn't the original address. No, this house is at 108 Ocean Ave. For those keeping score at home, though, that 112 Ocean Ave. mentioned in the movie and book is still there. The house just has a different number now. Apparently, the idea is to keep thrill-seekers from finding the original house by locating its address. But come on, those eyes! But I'm afraid you can't fool crafty spirit-seekers, anymore than you can fool giant pigs and demonic residents of Dutch colonial houses.

I'm put in mind of the Eddie Murphy routine from his Delirious album and tour:

"I would 've been in the house saying:
'Oh baby this is beautiful. We got a chandelier hanging up here, kids
outside playing. Its a beautiful neighbourhood.

'We ain't got nothing to worry.
I really love it. This is really nice.'

"GET OUT!"

"Too bad we can't stay, baby!"

Now Eddie had some sense. One look at those demonic eyes in the shape of windows and he'd be out of there.

Not that I have $1.15 million lying around; but if I did, I wouldn't be the next resident of 112 (or 108) Ocean Ave. Too many flies on the inside.