Oscars to Unveil Envelope 2.0

t's all about the viewing, really, isn't it? Stars get all dressed up in their finery, designed by famous people, and then they go to the before-parties and the after-parties and they look fabulous. The one thing that they really want, though, is their name inside an envelope.

It's a particular kind of envelope, the one handed out by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the one that results in a statue that once looked like someone's uncle Oscar. And this year, even that envelope will get dressed up.

The plain white envelope is getting a makeover. It will look great on television and next to the mantle, next to the statuette. The envelope is made of gold paper and is lined with shiny red paper. A shiny red sticker seals the envelope, and two strips of red ribbon make sure the seal sticks. Images of Oscar dot the inside and outside of the envelope. When the presenter opens the envelope, what comes out is a piece of heavy red lacquered paper containing the winner's name and category.

All that detail will result in a lot of missed opportunities, since the design company, not knowing who the winners are, will have to design envelopes containing paper naming every nominee as the winner. Still, it's a vast improvement over the existing office supply store variety white envelope. Let's just hope there isn't too much red in the lights shining on the stage that night.